LIVING UP TO EXPECTATIONS

                I have taken the psychological tests and they all say the same thing. I am a people pleaser. I like to be liked. Doesn’t everybody? There is just one problem. I can’t please everyone. As hard as I try, I will always fail to live up to someone’s expectations.

                We spend an enormous amount of our energy trying to conform to other people’s expectations. At work we try to be the employee our boss expects. This might include working longer hours, taking on extra projects or giving up our weekend. At school we try to be the person our peers expect. We are careful to dress the right way. We adjust our attitude toward our teachers to match that of our friends. We may even modify our academics to fit in. In our neighborhood we try to be the neighbor others expect.  We do this through the way we maintain our lawn, how often we paint our house and how many cars we leave parked in the driveway. Without even thinking about it we are constantly conforming to external expectations.

                This is not always bad. Our society would be in a real mess if none of us lived up to our corporate expectations. The problem comes when we sacrifice what we know is right in order to please others. We become human chameleons, changing our colors to match whatever situation we are in. If we do this enough, we lose touch with who we really are.

                Jesus was constantly faced with the pressure to live up to other people’s expectations of him. Many people wanted Jesus to be a political leader. They saw the potential of such a power man being in charge. So they tried to get Jesus to conform. He refused. One of those times was right after he had fed the 5000. John 6:15 records Jesus’ response.  “Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.”

                On another occasion people expected Jesus to set up a free clinic and become their permanent health care system. Again he refused.  The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was.  Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!" Jesus replied, "Let us go somewhere else--to the nearby villages--so I can preach there also. That is why I have come." So he traveled throughout Galilee, preaching in their synagogues and driving out demons. [Mark 1:33-39 (NIV)]
                Probably one of the most dramatic examples of Jesus’ refusal to conform to others’ expectations is seen in a confrontation between Jesus and Peter. Peter had high expectations for Jesus. He recognized that Jesus was the promised Messiah. Peter’s head swirled with all the implications of that. So when Jesus declared that he would have to die, Peter would have none of it. In dramatic fashion Jesus shut Peter down and set the disciples straight.
                        From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!" Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."  [Matthew 16:21-23 (NIV)]

                As followers of Jesus, we need to have a clear understanding of who Christ wants us to be. His expectations of us should trump all others. Jesus summarized those expectations when he told us to love God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Everything we do needs to be processed through those two filters.

                We also need to seek to understand the unique role God has planned for us. As Paul tells us, we all have different gifts and talents. These gifts and talents shape who we are. When we embrace them, we experience fulfillment and God’s pleasure. When we try to be someone God did not create us to be, we experience frustration and anxiety.

                We can never fully get away from external expectations. We need to have the insight to sort through which of them are realistic and which are not. We have to have the courage to say no, when that is appropriate. We need to develop the humility to conform, when that is appropriate. As Paul states it in Romans 12, let’s get a good handle on who God created us to be, and then let’s live that out with excitement and enthusiasm.

                For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. [Romans 12:3-8 (NIV)]

                I will always struggle with the desire to please others. But above all I want to please Christ.