LIFTING THE BURDEN OF GUILT

                Periodically I come across a book or an author that I resonate with. That has been my experience as I have been reading a couple of books from Larry Osborne: Accidental Pharisee & Spirituality for the Rest of Us. These two books have stirred up within me an old battle; a battle with persistent, undefined guilt. Let me put this into context so that you can more fully understand where I am coming from.

                When I was a boy, I had a deep desire to please God. From a young age, I longed to be connected with God and to serve Him. This deep longing, instead of causing joy, caused a persistent sense of guilt. I am not talking about the appropriate sense of guilt that comes from sin. I am talking about a vague, undefined sense of guilt that I was not measuring up. As I listened to sermons, I would come away feeling like I had to do more to be pleasing to God. Out of this sense of guilt, I felt that to prove myself to God I had to become a missionary. I saw this as the highest level of commitment to Christ. I set the course of my life to accomplish this goal, except that was not God’s plan for me. It wasn’t until I got to seminary that God gently, but clearly, redirected my path.

                I still battle with undefined guilt from time to time. The struggle emerges when I encounter people who are passionate for God in ways that I am not. The struggle emerges when decisions I make are not well received by others. I have come to realize that much of this struggle is not about pleasing God, but about pleasing others. I want others to see me as a committed, effective follower of Christ. I want others to like me. Both of these are wrong motivations to adjust who I am. I have to come back again and again to who God called me to be.

                As a runner, I have gravitated to a number of scripture passages that use running to illustrate the Christian life. One of those is Hebrews 12:1. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. This passage is most often applied to resisting the pressures of the world, and that is true. But there is a deeper truth that I need to embrace, and it is found in the words, let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. What most often sidetracks me in my spiritual journey is trying to run someone else’s race and not my own. I am pretty vigilant to root out the sin that so easily entangles me. I am less conscious of the expectations of others that are placed on me and only add to a heavy burden of undefined guilt. I cannot run the race marked out for me, if I am constantly trying to run someone else’s race.

                In both of the books by Larry Osborne mentioned above, he addresses the issue of gift projection. As followers of Christ, we have all been given spiritual gifts. These gifts are intended to shape and guide our “race”. The problem comes when we begin to believe that everyone should have the same gift mix as I do, and therefore see things the way I do. When I do this, I am projecting my gifts onto someone else. Not only is that not my job, it hinders the cause of Christ. The other side of the coin is when I allow others to project their gifts onto me. When I do this, I hinder my progress toward the mission God has assigned to me. When I do this, I am burdened with guilt that plays right into the hands of Satan. It is guilt that wears me out and crushes my will. I know for a fact that that kind of guilt does not come from God. The solution to this hindrance is found in Hebrews 12:2-3. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.