SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE

                I was watching a British detective show, Inspector Lewis, on PBS last night. The story centered around the issue of homosexuality and the church. The Christians were depicted as stuffy, closed, spiteful people. The gays were depicted as loving and compassionate. Because of the influence of a church program, a young, gay man committed suicide. This led to a series of related murders, as each of the Christians was eliminated. Near the end of the story, Sergeant Hathaway reveals that he was, in part, responsible for this young man’s suicide. The two had been friends when Hathaway was studying to become a priest. The young man had come to Hathaway for advice regarding his homosexuality. Hathaway had told him that he would be condemned for his sin. Because of that encounter, Hathaway left seminary and went into police work.

                I came away from that show feeling discouraged. I was discouraged because of the way the Christians were depicted. But, I was even more discouraged, because Hathaway had spoken the truth, but in a way that caused harm, instead of healing. Neither side in this scenario were virtuous. Both sides were vindictive and abrasive. Yet the Christians came off as the real villains.

                It raises the issue for me of how do we speak the truth in love? That phrase is taken from Ephesians 4. To understand what it means, we need to look at it in its context.

                 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

                 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. Ephesians 4:11-16

                If we are going to speak the truth in love, we need to first become spiritually mature. It is the job of the church to train and equip people in Christ-like living. This is based on the solid foundation of the truth of the gospel and a vital relationship with Jesus Christ. Too often, we settle for a superficial, naïve faith, rather than a full, deep faith. We teach simple, Sunday School answers to complex issues, which may make us feel good, but fail to connect with the real world around us. A true sign of maturity is being able to deal appropriately with complex issues.

                If we are going to speak the truth in love, we need to understand our culture. Many Christians today are confused, frightened and disoriented by our culture. For good reason, they see it as a threat to our faith. Yet, we are bombarded by skillfully created publicity programs that obscure the core issues and put Christians on the defense. Many people, who are marginal in their faith, or have no faith at all, are swayed by these slick public opinion campaigns. We need godly discernment to understand how to approach people with understanding and compassion.

                If we are going to speak the truth in love, we need to see people through Jesus’ eyes. Jesus never wavered on the truth, yet treated everyone with respect and compassion. He was able to address significant and difficult issues head on, because people trusted Him. They knew that He genuinely loved them, so they were willing to listen when He spoke. If we want people to listen to us, we need to demonstrate that we genuinely care about them. Instead of attacking them, we need to come along side of them and love them in the name of Jesus. That doesn’t mean that we excuse their sin or soft-pedal the issues. It does mean that we approach the issues with compassion, instead of anger.

                No matter what we do, if we speak the truth, people will be offended and fight against us. We can choose to be aggressive and argumentative, which might make us feel righteous, but will only build higher walls. Or, we can choose to speak the truth in love. We will not tear down all the walls, but we will also not add bricks to the top layer. The way that we approach those who disagree with us will either close the door of communication or open a door of dialog.

                Paul’s instructions to the Colossians is still a good game plan for us today. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:5-6