There
was a time when it was possible for men to have close male friends and women to
have close female friends without the expectation of sex hanging over their heads.
Somewhere along the way, we have reduced love to sexual intimacy. I have heard
a number of politicians and public figures say that no one has the right to
tell you who you can love. What they are saying is a half-truth with a hidden
agenda. We are free to love anyone who is willing to receive our love. But what
these people are really saying is, no one has the right to tell me who I can
have sex with. That is a very different thing.
In
our sex-crazed society, we have elevated sex as the only true expression of
love. If I cannot have sex with a person, then I cannot truly love them. This
is a logical fallacy and a dangerous one at that. For example, I can have deep
love for my children, but it is totally unacceptable for me to have sex with
them. My point is not that sex is not a part of expressing our love, but that
sex is not the only way to express our love, or even the best way.
The
Bible tells us that we are to love one another. It is one of the highest
virtues of a godly life. In fact, when Jesus was asked what the greatest
commandment is, he responded by pointing us to love.
Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God
with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the
first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor
as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two
commandments." Matthew 22:37-40
Later,
Jesus told his disciples that love was to be the distinguishing feature of
their lives. "A new command I give
you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By
this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one
another." John 13:34-35
Much
later, Peter emphasized the importance for us to carry out Jesus’ command to love
one another. Now that you have purified
yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your
brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 1 Peter 1:22
Love
is so much broader and deeper than having sexual relations with a person. In
fact, without genuine love, sexual relations becomes meaningless. The kind of
love that Jesus called for is sacrificial and others-centered. It is being willing
to give ourselves away for the good of the other person. Paul defined genuine
love in 1 Corinthians 13.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not
envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does
not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always
trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
All
of these qualities can be lived out in a relationship without sex being thrown
into the mix. The Bible is very clear that God has placed boundaries around
sexual intimacy for our good. Sexual intimacy was designed to be shared between
a man and a woman, in the context on marriage. It serves the purpose of
creating a bond between a man and a woman, within the context of pro-creation.
Of course, sexual intimacy is not limited to having babies. It can, in the
right context, create a strong emotional and spiritual bond.
When
we dislodge sexual intimacy from the boundaries that God has set, we turn it
into something far less that God intended. It becomes an insatiable appetite
that begins to control us. Sex becomes an end in itself. We can see this in the
proliferation of pornography and sexual abuse.
Loving
another person, whether the same gender or not, is not ultimately about sex. We
can deeply love others without sex being in the equation at all. Genuine love
is about sharing life to the fullest, within the boundaries that God has
established. Just being friends is in fact one of the highest forms of love. It
is freely sharing life, without expecting something in return.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I
loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in
my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I
have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be
complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love
has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John
15:9-13
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