Physician, Heal Thyself

                I sat with my friend and talked about my apprehension. Looming before me were two significant encounters that I felt inadequate to handle. Both of the encounters had been hanging over my head for days, and I had become very anxious. I expressed my feelings of inadequacy to my friend, as he patiently listened. After I had unloaded my stuff, he paused for a moment, as he often does, before responding.

                “Dave, you may not feel adequate for the task, but that is not the way others perceive you. You do have the ability to convey compassion in a genuine way. God has placed you into these situations because He wants to use you. Someone else could have been called up to fill this role, but they weren’t. God has called you to be in this place.”

                As I walked to my car, in the crisp morning air, I felt encouraged, but not entirely anxiety free. For several days, I had asked people to pray for me concerning these situations. I asked for prayer again, as our staff gathered for our weekly prayer time.

                I walked into the first encounter, still with a high level of apprehension. As I faced the person I came to meet, I expected bitterness, anger and resentment. What I saw was peace, acceptance and a big smile. I immediately relaxed and we had a great visit. I read a couple of passages of scripture that I had selected in advance. We prayed together, and I returned to my car with a sense of relief.

                As I got in my car, the words of Paul, in Philippians 4:6-7, came flooding into my mind. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. How often had I encouraged others to take those words to heart, yet I was failing to do it myself. I was allowing anxiety to take over my heart. As I continued to reflect on this, I was reminded (with just a little amusement) of some of the verses I had just read; verses intended to comfort another person. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24 This morning, as I knelt before God, I confessed my anxious heart and asked for His forgiveness.

                My second encounter is still before me. I will be walking into an uncomfortable setting for me. I will be seeking to speak God’s words of comfort to a group of people who may not be sympathetic to those words. I would like to say that all of the anxiety is gone; but it is not. On the other hand, I have a sense of peace about it. I am trusting God to give me the right words to say that will accomplish His purposes. The results are in His hands, not mine.

                Before I became a Pastor, I was a Medical Laboratory Technician. I routinely stuck other people with needles. I always assured them that I would do it with a minimum of pain. Many people were anxious about the procedure, but I assured them and “plunged” forward. Yet, in all of my training and beyond, I was never able to stick myself.

                As a pastor, it is my role to share God’s truth with others. At times that truth seems painful and hard, but I assure people that it is for their good and God’s glory. But I still have a hard time “sticking” myself. So this week, I clearly heard God’s message to me. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. It is time for me to put those words into action in my own life. “Physician, heal thyself.”