COMPASSION COMPROMISE

                When a crisis comes crashing into our lives, our whole world stops. Whatever the crisis is, it becomes the most important thing in life. Everything else is put on hold. All of our energy is used to deal with the attack on our well-being. When we are in the midst of such an overwhelming crisis, it is easy to think that others don’t care. They seem to go on with their lives, unaffected by the deep hurt that we cannot escape. Although we may not say it out loud, we are thinking, what’s wrong with these people? Don’t they understand how hard this is? I know the reality of this; I have walked in those shoes.

                Shift your perspective 180 degrees. Over the past year, I have had a number of people in my fellowship who have been faced with significant crisis. For each of them, their crisis is the most important issue in the world. For me, as a pastor and a friend, I am being asked to carry each crisis as my own. The problem is that there isn’t one crisis to focus on; there are several, all of which are demanding my full attention.

                When I was in college, my fellow students and I often complained that our professors acted as if their class was the only one that we were taking. We had the impression that each professor thought his or her class was the most important and therefore had the right to command all of our time. And so it is when people are in crisis. Because the crisis is so overwhelming to them, they want everyone else to give it their full attention. But, as with my class load in college, we have other things that also demand our attention.

                Paul makes a powerful statement about exercising compassion in Galatians 6:1-5. Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.

                Before I go any further, I want to point out that Paul is talking about helping someone who has fallen into sin, but the principles he gives us apply to the broader context. So for now I want you to replace (temporarily) the word sin with the word crisis. There are a number of principles that can help us to find the right balance of compassion at a time of crisis.

                Don’t assume that you have the answer for the person in crisis. Some of us have a strong need to fix things. Someone comes to us with a problem or a crisis and immediately we begin designing a plan for how to fix it. Stop! Only God can fix whatever the real issues are. Our role is to come along side of the other person and walk with them.     

                Beware of losing your perspective. When a person is in crisis, their perspective becomes distorted. They tend to see things through a gloomy fog, which makes everything look bad. Our role, as the compassionate helper, is it keep our perspective and help the person in crisis see things differently. When Paul says watch yourself or you may also be tempted, he is warning us about buying into a negative attitude. It is common, in our attempts to comfort another, to reinforce their negative feelings. Instead, we need to point the person back to Christ and his loving care.

                Get close enough to share the burden. Many people instinctively distance themselves from people in crisis. We all have struggles in life, and we are not eager to add to the list. As followers of Christ, we need to put away our fear and get close enough to care for the person in crisis. The key word here is share. Many people in crisis want someone else to take responsibility for their situation. That is unhealthy. We can support and encourage, but we cannot take responsibility for the other person’s journey.

                Stay on course personally. I mentioned earlier that people in crisis think others don’t care because they don’t put the rest of their lives on hold to “be with” the person in crisis. In truth, that is the last thing the person in crisis needs. What they need from others is their strength. That strength only comes when the person maintains a healthy life. Each person needs to know their limits. They need to balance compassion with caring for their own needs. A physician we contracts all the diseases of his patients is of little help to them. The only way we can truly be of help to others is by carrying our own burden well. This means that we cannot put our life on hold for the sake of the other person.

               

                There is a phenomena that has emerged in our world. It is called compassion fatigue. When some crisis hits, there is an initial outpouring of help, which then diminishes over time. When numerous crises hit, one after another, the outpouring of help begins to dry up. People just don’t have anything left to give. Whether we are in crisis or coming along someone in crisis, we need to practice compassion compromise. Those who can offer help need to step up and give what they can. Those in crisis need to allow others to continue to live life, so that they can draw from their strength.