1 Corinthians 12:27
(NIV)
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.
We live
in a highly individualistic society. We value being able to make our own way in
the world without being dependent upon others. Pulling yourself up by your own
bootstraps is firmly embedded into our cultural consciousness. There are many
benefits of the independence that we enjoy and hold onto. But there are some
significant downsides as well.
America is
facing a new epidemic, and it is not a new strain of Covid. We are facing an epidemic
of loneliness. The U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy is hoping to raise our
awareness of the threat before us. “Most of us probably think of loneliness as
just a bad feeling,” he told USA TODAY. “It turns out that loneliness has far
greater implications for our health when we struggle with a sense of social
disconnection, being lonely or isolated.”
In a
recent national survey of American adults, 36% of respondents reported serious
loneliness—feeling lonely “frequently” or “almost all the time or all the time”
in the four weeks prior to the survey. This included 61% of young people aged
18-25 and 51% of mothers with young children. 43% of young adults reported
increases in loneliness since the outbreak of the pandemic. About half of
lonely young adults in the survey reported that no one in the past few weeks
had “taken more than just a few minutes” to ask how they are doing in a way
that made them feel like the person “genuinely cared.”
This
feeling of being disconnected can affect anyone. Loneliness is not limited to
rural, isolated communities. People can live in the midst of a bustling urban
center and feel totally alone. Some of the times that I have felt the loneliest,
I have been surrounded by people. It is possible to be in a crowd and feel
invisible.
We were
not created to live solo lives surrounded by other solo lives. Instead, we were
created to interact with one another in significant ways. We were created by
God to live in community with one another. Our individualism needs to be
tempered by the reality that we cannot live this life all alone. It just doesn’t
work.
When we
live isolated, individual lives we rob ourselves of the care and nurture that
we all need to thrive. The idea that we don’t need the help of others, that we
can make it on our own, is a myth. In order for us to be healthy, both
physically and emotionally, we need other people in our lives who really care
about us. People who enjoy loving relationships with others live longer,
healthier lives. People without these
relationships tend to withdraw into themselves and often die sooner.
People
who live isolated, individual lives rob themselves of their full potential.
C.S. Lewis, in his book The Four Loves talks about the value of genuine
friendship. He makes the point that genuine friends draw out different
qualities from one another. Each friend brings something new to the table that
highlights some new facet of the other. The broader the circle of genuine
friends, the more a person blossoms. Lewis not talking about mere acquaintances.
A person can have many acquaintances and still be lonely. He is talking about
the kinds of friends that can get behind the public mask we all wear and see
the real person behind.
There
are several things that can keep us in our isolation, if we don’t come to grips
with them. Many people live lonely, isolated lives because they are afraid of being
vulnerable. Our culture is not kind to those who are too open about their
weaknesses and faults. A fear of being “found out” keeps people in the prison
of loneliness. The Bible tells us that the solution to this is to risk being
honest with a few close friends. As trust grows between friends, they are more
willing to risk being vulnerable. When a person finally opens up, they suddenly
discover that they are not alone in their weakness. Others share the same
experiences. Therefore, James challenges us to develop the kind of
relationships that will allow us to be vulnerable.
James 5:13-16 (NIV)
Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing
songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the
church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And
the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise
him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to
each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a
righteous man is powerful and effective.
Another
reason people remain in isolation is the fear of intimacy, or more
specifically, the fear of being hurt. We all begin life with a certain amount
of social capital. We innocently enter into relationships with others expecting
a positive result. Sometimes it works out that way and sometimes it does not.
When a person gets hurt in a relationship, it makes it harder for them to enter
into another one.
Part of
growing up and maturing as a person is learning to weather the hurts of life so
that we can experience the joys of life. To do this we need to take the risk to
get close to others. If we keep everyone at arm’s length, we may not get hurt,
but we will also not thrive. Along the way, we will all get hurt by others and
we will all hurt others. We don’t necessarily do this intentionally, but nevertheless we do it. Learning to live in genuine community with others gives us a
foundation to stand on when we feel hurt. It also gives us a healthy way to
deal with our hurts.
Part of
the reason for Paul writing letters to the churches that he founded was to teach
them how to live together in community. They lived in a brutal world where
every person was for themselves. They had to learn to live differently, and so
do we. So Paul gave some very practical instructions on how to move out of
isolation into community.
Colossians 3:12-14
(NIV)
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves
with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each
other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive
as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds
them all together in perfect unity.
Let me
summarize Paul’s formula for breaking free of loneliness and isolation. First,
we need to understand who we are in Christ. We are dearly loved, in fact, loved
beyond measure. No matter what happens to us in life, nothing can separate us
from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. We can risk loving others because
we are secure in Christ’s love.
Second,
we need to cultivate the character qualities that will set us apart from the norm.
In a world that is often cold and uncaring, we need to cultivate godly
compassion for those around us. In a world that takes advantage of others, we
need extend genuine kindness. In a world that idolizes big egos, we need to
strive to be humble, having a realistic understanding of who we are. In a world
that is harsh, we need to learn to be gentle. In a world that hardly stops long
enough to catch its breath, we need to cultivate a spirit of patience, waiting
on God’s timing.
Third,
we need to extend the grace of God to one another. Forgiveness and letting go
of our hurts are the keys to breaking the chains of loneliness and isolation.
We have been forgiven by Christ. We can extend that same forgiveness to others.
Finally,
we need to learn to love as Jesus loves. Love to today has lost its deep and
significant meaning. Love today is temporary and fickle. Much of what is
heralded as love in superficial and based on physical attraction. Genuine love
is so much more that those things. The love that Christ has demonstrated for us
is a sacrificial love that is willing to give all for the other. Christ calls
us to do the same. This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down
his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1
John 3:16 (NIV)
We don’t
have to live in isolation and loneliness. We have a choice. But it will mean
taking some risks, being vulnerable and humble. The road out of loneliness will
not be smooth. There will be bumps along the way, disappointments and setbacks. But if we stay on the path, we will discover the more abundant life
that Jesus has promised to us.
Hebrews 10:25 (NIV)
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but
let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
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