RESPONDING TO VERBAL ATTACKS

 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

1 Peter 2:23 (NIV)

                All of us have a built-in knee jerk reaction when we feel like someone is verbally attacking us. Our first response is to defend ourselves and our second response is to go on the attack and retaliate. The rise of social media has been like pouring gas on the fire. It has freed many people to lash out at others with unkind words. These are then often countered by more unkind words. This leads to an escalation of the situation, which never turns out good.

                Some parts of the church in America have chosen the path of verbal confrontation. In the face of the multitude of social changes we are facing and the perceived attack upon Christianity specifically and morality in general, some have chosen to fight fire with fire. The result has been a pretty ugly escalation of negative rhetoric that has done nothing to advance the cause of Christ in the world.

                Jesus set a very different example for us to follow. Although Jesus did, at times, confront the religious leaders of his day, in the main he responded in gentleness and self-restraint. This was exhibited monumentally at his mock trial and unjust execution on the cross.

                In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus challenges us to take a counter-cultural approach to verbal attacks. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. Matthew 5:39 (NIV) For much of my younger life, I assumed that Jesus was talking about a physical act of violence. That understanding caused me to not defend myself when I was harassed by a bully in junior high. Although Jesus would not condone violence for violence, what he was referring to in the statement above was being insulted. To slap someone across the cheek was the ultimate form of insult. Jesus said, instead of reacting as the world would react, choose to refuse to be insulted. The real power of an insult is our reaction to it. If we choose not to react negatively, it deflates the power of the insult.

                In no way do we want to condone verbal abuse, but at the same time, we do not want to escalate it either. Our response to verbal abuse needs to be firm, measured, and in control. Proverbs reminds us that the way we react will set the course for what happens next.

Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. Proverbs 26:20-21 (NIV)

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

                Often people attack us wanting to illicit a negative reaction that they can leverage for their own ends. When it comes to our faith, there are those who are looking for any reason to discredit it. When we respond in negative ways, we are only fueling an anti-Christian agenda.

                James challenges us to stay in control and not allow anger to take over. My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:19-20 (NIV) We often say things in anger that we later wish we could take back, but it is too late.

                We need to discipline ourselves to be restrained and trust God to intervene on our behalf. Just as it says in 1 Peter 2:23 above, we need to entrust ourselves to God and leave justice in his hands. As much as is possible we need to respond to negative people in positive ways. As Paul says in Romans 12: Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21 (NIV)