THE MYTH OF INDEPENDENCE

 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NIV)

                One of the things Americans pride themselves in is their rugged individualism. We tend to believe that we can pull ourselves up with our own bootstraps. We don’t need anyone else to make it in life. We can make it on our own. All of this sounds good, but it is a myth.

                As we grow up, we strive to move from being dependent on others to being independent; making our own decisions. This is an important stage of our development. Unfortunately, many people get stuck at this stage and fail to move on to the next stage; interdependence. A truly mature person knows that they have limits and that they need others in their lives to fill in the gaps. None of us is a complete person in ourselves. We all need others to make us a truly whole person.

                Solomon highlighted this basic need in Ecclesiastes 4.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV) 

                Many people today are living very lonely lives because they have never understood their need for interdependence. They are surrounded by people, yet isolated at the same time. I had a taste of that experience when I went on a mission trip to the Philippines. I was assigned to work with a young Filipino pastor on a small island off the coast of Cebu. It took us almost a week to figure out how we were to work together. During that time, I was surrounded by people but felt utterly alone. It wasn’t until I really connected with the pastor that I was able to be an asset to him and he a support to me. We needed each other if our time together was going to be fruitful.

                The New Testament continually stresses our interdependence. Paul likens believers to the human body. Each of us needs to play our role if the body is going to be healthy. Each of us also benefits from being a part of the whole. We cannot be all that God wants us to be on our own. It is only as we are connected with others that we can thrive. There are numerous passages, highlighted by the phrase “one another”, that stress our interdependence.

                Too many of us settle for casual, superficial relationships instead of risking actually getting to know others. Our society allows us to have innumerable “friends” without ever really developing a genuine friendship; a companion in life.

                Today in my devotions I read about a concept that prompted me to think about interdependence. The idea was having lingering relationships. What the author meant by this was having the kind of relationships where a person is comfortable to linger in others’ presence. To spend time together without an agenda or a program to follow. In our fast-paced world, we rarely take the time to linger; to engage with others at a leisurely pace. Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone wants to share their story with others. But this can happen only by spending enough time together to open the door to share. Lingering relationships take time and intentionality; they don’t just happen. We have to make space in our lives for these relationships to grow.

                Interdependence is not giving up our autonomy or our freedom. It is experiencing our autonomy and our freedom at a much higher level. As it says in Proverbs 27:17, As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Allowing others into our lives actually helps us to grow and mature in ways that we never can on our own. Allowing others into our lives helps us refine our strengths and confront our weaknesses.

                The last line of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. The X factor for those of us who have placed our faith in Christ is that there is a bond between us that elevates our relationships to a higher level. That bond is Christ Himself. The more that we linger in our relationship with Christ, the better equipped we are to linger with one another. One of the signs of a healthy church is that after the service people linger. If the building empties five minutes after the service is over, there is a problem. It signals that the members are not really connecting with one another. One of the most fulfilling aspects of my pastoral ministry was turning the lights out on small clusters of people who have lingered in the building long after the service was ended.

                I have had a few lingering relationships in my life, but not nearly enough. How about you?

Acts 2:46-47 (NIV)
Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.