THE MYTH OF INDEPENDENCE

 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NIV)

                One of the things Americans pride themselves in is their rugged individualism. We tend to believe that we can pull ourselves up with our own bootstraps. We don’t need anyone else to make it in life. We can make it on our own. All of this sounds good, but it is a myth.

                As we grow up, we strive to move from being dependent on others to being independent; making our own decisions. This is an important stage of our development. Unfortunately, many people get stuck at this stage and fail to move on to the next stage; interdependence. A truly mature person knows that they have limits and that they need others in their lives to fill in the gaps. None of us is a complete person in ourselves. We all need others to make us a truly whole person.

                Solomon highlighted this basic need in Ecclesiastes 4.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV) 

                Many people today are living very lonely lives because they have never understood their need for interdependence. They are surrounded by people, yet isolated at the same time. I had a taste of that experience when I went on a mission trip to the Philippines. I was assigned to work with a young Filipino pastor on a small island off the coast of Cebu. It took us almost a week to figure out how we were to work together. During that time, I was surrounded by people but felt utterly alone. It wasn’t until I really connected with the pastor that I was able to be an asset to him and he a support to me. We needed each other if our time together was going to be fruitful.

                The New Testament continually stresses our interdependence. Paul likens believers to the human body. Each of us needs to play our role if the body is going to be healthy. Each of us also benefits from being a part of the whole. We cannot be all that God wants us to be on our own. It is only as we are connected with others that we can thrive. There are numerous passages, highlighted by the phrase “one another”, that stress our interdependence.

                Too many of us settle for casual, superficial relationships instead of risking actually getting to know others. Our society allows us to have innumerable “friends” without ever really developing a genuine friendship; a companion in life.

                Today in my devotions I read about a concept that prompted me to think about interdependence. The idea was having lingering relationships. What the author meant by this was having the kind of relationships where a person is comfortable to linger in others’ presence. To spend time together without an agenda or a program to follow. In our fast-paced world, we rarely take the time to linger; to engage with others at a leisurely pace. Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone wants to share their story with others. But this can happen only by spending enough time together to open the door to share. Lingering relationships take time and intentionality; they don’t just happen. We have to make space in our lives for these relationships to grow.

                Interdependence is not giving up our autonomy or our freedom. It is experiencing our autonomy and our freedom at a much higher level. As it says in Proverbs 27:17, As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Allowing others into our lives actually helps us to grow and mature in ways that we never can on our own. Allowing others into our lives helps us refine our strengths and confront our weaknesses.

                The last line of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. The X factor for those of us who have placed our faith in Christ is that there is a bond between us that elevates our relationships to a higher level. That bond is Christ Himself. The more that we linger in our relationship with Christ, the better equipped we are to linger with one another. One of the signs of a healthy church is that after the service people linger. If the building empties five minutes after the service is over, there is a problem. It signals that the members are not really connecting with one another. One of the most fulfilling aspects of my pastoral ministry was turning the lights out on small clusters of people who have lingered in the building long after the service was ended.

                I have had a few lingering relationships in my life, but not nearly enough. How about you?

Acts 2:46-47 (NIV)
Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

 

WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?

Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you.
Philippians 3:17 (NIV)

                It is common to ask children and young people the question, who do you want to be when you grow up? The answer is usually framed in some occupation, such as a doctor, an astronaut, a nurse, a baseball player. When we get into our high school and college years our answer to that question becomes more defined. We begin to set our sights on a particular career path. As we mature our answer tends to be refined with the phrase, I want to be a successful _________. What is common with all of these answers is that they focus on what we do and not on who we are as a person.

                When the Bible poses the question of who we are to be, it focuses not on our activity but on our character. A more biblical answer to the question, who do you want to be, would be, I want to be a person of integrity and godly character. Every decision that we make and every action that we take in life is shaping and molding us. Our actions are making us into a particular kind of person, regardless of our occupation.

                C.S. Lewis suggests that all of life is a process of molding us into the people we will be for all of eternity. Our decisions and actions will lead us to be either a more patient person or a more impatient one. The course we set in life will either make us more loving and gracious or more callous and demanding. Although we tend to focus on our outward actions, God focuses on what is going on in our soul.

                Many years ago, someone challenged me with this question. Who do you want to be when you are 80 years old? Then he followed up with this statement. Whoever you want to be when you are 80, you need to start becoming now. The patterns of life that you establish when you are young will ultimately shape who you are when you are old. Someone once stated it this way. There are really no crabby old people. There are just crabby people who get old. The patterns we establish in our lives matter.

                I was reminded of this just yesterday as I spoke with my father on the phone. My dad is currently in a nursing home recovering from the shock of my mom’s death. On that day, and the several days following, my dad shut down both physically and mentally. He told us last night that he can’t remember the events of those days. But now, three weeks later, he has rebounded and is back to his old self. He has always enjoyed talking with people and that hasn’t changed. He has engaged with the staff and the residents at the home. My brother tells me that they all love him there because he is positive and vibrant, even though he is 95. He has a determination to return to his home, which will happen this week. He has not only embraced the physical therapy sessions they offer him, but he takes regular walks up and down the halls on his own. He is thankful for all of the care he has been given and has freely expressed it. His character, forged over 95 years of living, is showing through.

                Paul set an example of what it means to live a godly life. He was serious about disciplining his life in order to shape and mold his character to conform to the image of Christ.

                Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (NIV)

                Because of the discipline Paul worked into his life, he was able to challenge others to follow his example. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV) Paul also told Timothy to both model and pass on the godly pattern of life that Paul had demonstrated for him. What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 1:13 (NIV)

                How we live our lives today will shape who we become tomorrow. The patterns we establish will either lead us toward a godly character or lead us away from one. The longer we continue in a particular pattern, the harder it will be to change; whether for good or bad. Who we really are is not demonstrated when we are in control and at our best. It is demonstrated when the pressure is on and our world seems to be upside down. It is then that our true character shines through.

                One day we will all stand before the throne of God and have to give an accounting of our life. Who do you want to be then? Whoever you hope to be on that day, you need to start being that person today. None of us knows how much time we have to shape our character for eternity. Therefore, what we do today really matters. When all of our achievements have been stripped away, what will be left will be our character.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:1-2 (NIV)

 

TERMINAL

 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.

Psalm 103:15-16 (NIV)

                On March 13, Suanne and I visited my older brother, Paul, and his wife, Denise. Paul was battling with pancreatic cancer and had just completed three chemotherapy treatments. We had a great dinner with them and spent the night at their house. A week later I talked to my brother on the phone and he told me that the doctors had informed him that his situation had become terminal and he was going on Hospice. On March 30, Paul lost his battle with cancer and went home to be with the Lord.

                Terminal; it is one of the most chilling words we can hear. Terminal, end of the story, lights out, game over. There is no return from terminal. It is the final period at the end of our life.

                Most of us don’t think about dying, until we are faced with the death of a loved one or close friend. Then for a time we think about what it means to be terminal. Yet, we are all terminal. We just don’t know what the time table is. For my brother, the time table was made very clear, although it ended up being much shorter than any of us expected. The clock is running for all of us and one day our time will run out.

                We live in a society that “plays” with death. We trivialize it through graphic movies that turn death into entertainment. We anesthetize ourselves against death through video games that make death seem reversable. Just reboot and start the game over. Most people spend their entire lives running away from death. Many people are looking for the “fountain of youth” that will keep death at bade indefinitely. But all of our efforts to ignore death, or trivialize it, or redefine it fail miserably. Death will always win in the end. The statistics are against us; 100% of people will die.

                The Bible is very clear that death is a reality. Death is the consequence of sin in our world. It entered our world when Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden and ate of the forbidden fruit. From that time on humanity has had to live with the fact that we are all terminal.

                But the Bible also tells us that we don’t have to run away from death. Unlike the fantasy world often created by us, the Bible offers us a genuine reboot. The truth of this promise rests in the events surrounding what we call Easter Sunday. On Easter Sunday, death met its match. Jesus conquered death and raised from the death. By His death on the cross, Jesus paid the penalty for all of our sin. By His resurrection He makes it possible for us to have eternal life.

                In John 11 we read of story of Jesus visiting Mary and Martha after the death of Lazarus, their brother. In the midst of Martha’s grief, Jesus offers her hope. Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" John 11:25-26 (NIV) Jesus assured her that even though a person will face physical death, it is not the end of the story. Through Jesus, there is life that transcends death. Jesus made good on His promise when on Easter Sunday He rose from the dead.

                Later the Apostle Peter affirmed the promise that Jesus made. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 1 Peter 1:3 (NIV) The resurrection of Jesus changed everything. No longer is physical death the end of the story. No longer do we have to live under the diagnosis of being terminal. Through Jesus we can enter into eternal life.

                The Apostle Paul made it clear that for those who place their faith and trust in Jesus, death is not the end of the story. Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (NIV)

                Jesus has parted the curtain of death and showed us what comes next. For all who trust in Him, what’s next is an eternal home with Jesus. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 14:1-6 (NIV)

                In one very real sense, we are all terminal. As the Psalmist has said, our lives are like the grass of the field that is here today and gone tomorrow. But we are not hopeless. Although our physical life has a shelf-life our eternal life does not. As it tells us in John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 (NIV)

                When the doctor told my brother that his situation was terminal he accepted it with grace. The doctor asked him why he was so calm. He responded, because I believe in Jesus. For those of us who have placed our faith in Jesus, death is only the birth canal into eternal life.

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12 (NIV)