This
past week, our staff was sharing some of their personal experiences from when
they first came to faith in Christ and when they entered into ministry. What
was evident in their stories was a high level of excitement. There were stories
of dramatic changes happening when they put their faith in Christ. There were
stories of an overwhelming passion to share the Gospel and to make a difference
for Christ in the world. It was encouraging and challenging. We also talked
about how that excitement and passion has been tempered by the realities of
life and of ministry.
As I
listened to their stories, I felt a certain sense of loss. Let me explain. I
grew up in the church; in a solid Bible believing church. I grew up in a solid
Christian family, with faithful committed parents. I crossed the line of faith
at a very early age. There was no dramatic transformation; it just felt natural.
At age 13, I began to come to grips with the realities of following Jesus. At
that point, I really began to take my faith seriously. But I never had a
dramatic, spiritual experience. There was none of the excitement and passion
that I heard in the stories of my colleagues. Instead, it was a solid
determination to live out my faith as best as I could.
Growing
up in church, I heard many conversion stories; some first hand and some
recounted by our pastor. It seemed to me that they all shared the same story
line. Someone had really messed up their life, they hit rock bottom, and then
Jesus came into their life and changed everything. The stories were thrilling,
but they left me feeling uneasy. I could not point to any dramatic turnaround
in my life. I felt like I was missing something. I wondered if my experience
was real, because it did not match what I was hearing. I found myself longing
for one of those over the top experiences.
Throughout
my journey of faith, I have seen much evidence of the transformational power of
Christ in my life. God has allowed me to experience various cross-cultural
experiences that have changed my perspective on the world. God has routinely
placed me into positions of spiritual leadership, even when I have not sought
them. For the past thirty years, I have had the amazing privilege of shepherding
the same congregation. We have seen many ups and downs, but through it all, God’s
grace and provision have shown through. But I am still looking for that over
the top experience.
Currently,
I have several people in my life who are filled with excitement and passion
for ministry. They seem to have the
ability to easily step into the lives of people and share their faith. They are
driven to get out in the world and make a significant difference for the
Kingdom of God. As I interact with these amazing people, I wonder what is wrong
with me.
Throughout
my life, I have been a steady state Christian. I am committed to Jesus Christ.
I am committed to my calling as a pastor. I am committed to seeing lives
transformed by the love of Christ. But if you were able to measure my life on
the excitement scale I’m afraid I would barely move the line. I have faithfully
followed Christ for the vast majority of my life. There have been momentary
times of excitement and passion; seasons of determination to make a difference,
but no over the top, sustained excitement.
As I
reflect on my life, I realize that I must be honest about and OK with who God
created me to be. He gave me a deep desire to serve Him, coupled with an
introverted, low-key personality. He gave me a passion to preach the Word,
coupled with an awkward shyness in large crowds or unfamiliar situations. God made me the way He wanted me to be, gifted
me the way He wanted to gift me, and intends to use me according to His plan. I
realize that I am guilty of comparing myself with others. While some people
struggle with an inflated view of themselves, I tend in the opposite direction.
So I take solace in people like Moses, Gideon, and Timothy who saw themselves
as unqualified and unworthy of being called into God’s service.
When
I struggle with a sense that something is missing from my life, I find
encouragement the following thoughts.
- I need to have a realistic understanding of who I am in
Christ and live up to that. Romans 12:3
For
by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more
highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in
accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
- God has called me to be me. The only person I need to
compare myself with is the person God wants me to be. Galatians 6:4-5
Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself,
without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own
load.
- God has gifted me in a particular way and He wants me
to use that for His glory. 1 Peter 4:10
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others,
faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.
- I don’t have to hold back or be reluctant to use the
gifts God has given to me. 2 Timothy
1:6-7
For
this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you
through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of
timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
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